Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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