i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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