dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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