well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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