I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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