Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
