You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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