im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
