just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
