i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
