I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
