Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize