my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
