drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
