just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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