I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think my moral compass just broke
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
