i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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