It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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