weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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