god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
