Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
