Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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