Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
