I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well most of my day revolves around power hour
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
