Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
