On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
