well I can't set my house on fire every night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I touched a dick in church today
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
