Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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