Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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