Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i barfeds in our rink
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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