How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
