i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
