Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
