No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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