My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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