just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
