Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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