I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
