Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
