Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
