It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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