I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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