Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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