You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
