Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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