I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
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