I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
