Don't make out with my wife yet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
