P.S. I can't hear my feet
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
