I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
