So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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