hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
