i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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