Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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