I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
