I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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