i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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