I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
