it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
do nipples grow back?
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