I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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